Category: sex advice
Someone once said that a picture is worth a thousand words, but clearly that person lived before the time of dick pics and sexting.
Despite tech-driven innovations in wooing, one shouldn’t underestimate the ancient art of aural sex in which we use our words and imagination to paint a picture that cannot be captured in an image. While dirty talk may be just using our words, something we do every day, it can be one of those nuanced things where it can be absolutely perfect or it can fall flat and sound like the record skipped.
Some people shy away from dirty talk because they don’t even know where to begin. They’ve seen bad movies with bad one-liners and can still feel the sting of the character’s epic verbal fail. They don’t want to feel silly and embarrassed. Fear not! With a little guidance, you can be talking dirty with the rest of them. Much like sex with a new partner, you can bring all of your past knowledge to the table, but you’ll probably have to make adjustments for what works best for your partner. It’s all part of the process. Whether you are deep in the throes, waiting in the grocery line together, or across the country connected by your screens, this art of verbal seduction can send your or your partner’s heart racing.
There is something to be said about a great back and forth of sexual mental tennis.
Now I don’t suggest you employ your foul-mouthed skills just anywhere. There is a time and place for this. It isn’t advisable to suddenly launch into a dirty diatribe with someone you don’t already know, so make sure this would be a welcomed addition to your relationship.
If you find yourself separated from your partner, you can employ these skills over text to arouse and build anticipation with your partner. It’s also great if you’re feeling a little nervous about doing this in person. Starting off with something simple like:
“I can’t wait to play with you tonight.”
“Work is really difficult for me today. I keep thinking about what we did last night.”
“I just got out of the shower, and I wish you were here right now.”
These fairly tame phrases can be the gateway to opening up the conversation into something more explicit. Bonus points if you can incorporate multiple senses.
“I love how wet you get for me. I want to taste you.”
“I want to feel your warm, wet pussy on this cock.”
‘I want to hear you say my name while I’m in you.”
Get creative with it. The key is to make sure the phrases are well-timed and flow with your conversation. There is something to be said about a great back and forth of sexual mental tennis. It’s also necessary to make sure that your communication comes off as authentic. If you’re not a profanity user or your partner doesn’t welcome that kind of language, don’t feel like you have to use it. Play within both of your comfort zones and, most importantly, have fun.
Even if you’ve mastered digital conversation, when it comes time to do it IRL, some people can feel a little trepidation on how to initiate the verbal play. If you’re starting from nothing, dip your toes into the dirty-talk pool with some simple moans and groans. Give a sigh or have a catch in your breath. Becoming vocal during the act will make you more comfortable when it comes time to say it with words.
If you’re feeling shy or not sure what to say, just stick to basic phrases. Simple can be sexy.
“I love it when you _____ my _____.”
“That feels so good.”
Everyone loves compliments, and these simple phrases sound super erotic when said into your partner’s ear. Just giving a verbal play-by-play of what is happening can heighten the experience. As your confidence builds, you can start to incorporate more detailed phrases. Contrary to its name, dirty talk doesn’t have to be explicit or obscene. You can absolutely play around with it and build a fantasy story, praise and stroke your partner’s ego, give orders, or simply tell a partner what you’re about to do to them.
“What if we were having sex in front of others right now?”
“You’re the best I’ve ever had.”
“Touch yourself for me.”
“I’m going to fuck that pretty face, you dirty girl.”
But don’t forget that what goes on during erotic talk does not necessarily translate into real life. For example, your partner might like it when you call them a whore during sexting or in the bedroom, but they may not like being called a whore in public. Talking dirty is done for mutual enjoyment and should never be used maliciously against your partner.
I know dirty talk can seem daunting, especially if you’ve never done it before, but the best way to conquer that fear is to just try it! Start off simply and build from there. Don’t worry if you misspeak, just laugh it off and keep going. You may have heard the phrase ‘give her the D,’ but consider giving her the B (brain). Our mind is our largest sexual organ, so why not try stroking that for a change?
You always want what you can’t have. That’s the saying, right? Well, a new study suggests this sentiment is especially true for female attraction. According to a paper published in Scientific Reports, men receive an “attractiveness boost” from women when they’re in a committed relationship, a quality shared with abstract art (as in, you don’t know it’s attractive until someone else tells you).
This concept is called “mate-choice copying.” If a potential partner is chosen by someone else, they appear to be of higher quality than men who remain unplucked. According to reports, this is common conduct, as the same idea has been observed in species of birds and fish.
The researchers claim the reassurance comes in handy for females trying to ensure they’ve chosen the best partner for reproduction. For the study, the research team collected attractiveness ratings of pictures of abstract art, men and men’s hands from heterosexual women in the survey. The kicker: They were also given information about how the other participants had voted. The study was then repeated with the inclusion of lesbians and bisexual women and the results stayed the same, highlighting the fact that all women behave in the same way, regardless of who they are attracted to.
“Women in our study found men’s faces more attractive if other women had given that face high ratings. But the same goes for pictures of abstract artworks,” lead author Dr. Kate Cross said of her research. “Women appear to copy the mate preferences of other women, but this might simply be because humans have a general tendency to be influenced by the opinions of others.”
All boiled down, female attraction toward committed men is largely due to the preconceived idea that taken men have their shit together.
Aside from pointing out that women are socially influenced by other women in regard to men’s attractiveness, no few other insights are shared. So Playboy spoke to Deanna Cobden, dating and relationship coach, who helped further explain the allure of taken men.
“Men in relationships tend to be a little bit more put together and polished, mentally, emotionally and physically and often display the qualities of drive, purpose, ambition, security and stability that women find attractive,” she begins. “That is very often because these types of men have already achieved their own specific career and life goals by the time they’re ready to commit to a relationship. Once they are in that relationship they are ‘all in’ and ready to focus on family and building a life together.”
Now as for whether this plays into the whole “all the good ones are taken” vernacular, Cobden’s not so sure. “It’s a matter of perception, you never really know what’s going on with people,” she admits. “We tend to idealize others’ relationships, but many times the couples you think are perfect end up breaking up, and it wasn’t so rosy after all. Instead of believing the grass is greener on the other side, I believe the grass is greener when you water it.”
After reading of the results of this study, I was reminded of The Bachelor. You know, the wildly successful dating reality show wherein one man finds a woman he loves, and all of the other women automatically love him too because he’s the elected hottie. I mention this to Cobden and started to wonder if our taste in others is more learned than it is biological. She insists it’s a combination of the two, attesting there is always an initial attraction or not. “However, this doesn’t mean instant chemistry, the super-hot kind, is a good idea, because it usually doesn’t end with a perfect lifelong romance.” That’s mainly because you end up starting with the physical, then realize a year or two later that there isn’t enough compatibility for a lifelong partnership with shared qualities and values.”
You can become more attracted to a person physically, mentally and emotionally the more you get to know them. “This is especially true for women, we can fall in love with our brain and start to feel an emotional connection, then become physically attracted. Men tend to fall in love the opposite.”
As for the ladies on The Bachelor, Cobden thinks the spectacle of the situation can be blinding, going after a man but not necessarily being real about who they are or who he is and if the relationship would really be a good one for marriage. “Also,” she adds. They tend to be quite young and on the immature side.” A lot nicer than I would have put it, but sure.
All boiled down, female attraction toward committed men is largely due to the preconceived idea that taken men have their shit together. But, as Cobden mentions, we romanticize people’s relationships. The taken man might be a dipshit, too.
TO GET LAID TONIGHT CHECK OUT
THE ANATOMY OF ANAL PLEASURE
The anus and rectum contain several nerve endings, most of which are located at the entrance of the anus. The stimulation of these nerve endings is what can make penetration enjoyable. Stimulation of that region can even trigger an orgasm on its own. Of course, as with vaginal intercourse, the level of pleasure will differ from person to person. Some may find the act immediately enjoyable while others may be number. You won’t know where you fit on the spectrum until you give it a shot.
BUT WON’T IT HURT?
Plain and simple, there is no singular barrier of pain you must get through before anal starts to feel great. To repeat, bottoming shouldn’t hurt. If it does, your body is telling you to stop. Halt and then try a different position or try again later. If you think anal is meant to hurt, your brain will convince you every step of the way that it does. That’s not to say some practitioners don’t enjoy the pain as its own sexual kink, but in terms of safety, when done correctly, anal sex should not hurt. Pain doesn’t always precede pleasure, especially when it comes to your body.
HOLD MY LUBE
An anus doesn’t supply its own lube like a vagina. Therefore, extra help in that department isn’t just recommended, it’s necessary. Lots of lube and some practice with your fingers is the best way to train for first-time anal sex. You don’t want to jump right into the act; this takes time.
As for the type, water-based lube is the safest but is more quickly absorbed by the body. Oil-based lubes are old news; few sexperts will recommend using them, in part because they can break down condoms. That leaves silicone-based lubricant. It’ll keep your behind wetter, longer. And yes, you should always use a condom. It’ll lessen the awkwardness should an accident occur, but also because it’s 2017 and—duh.
YOU GOTTA PLAN IT
Anal sex is by no means as spontaneous as vaginal intercourse. Throwing someone down on the bed and knocking on their backdoor requires planning and preparation, for obvious reasons. Before partaking, the receiver should enjoy a cup of coffee and let nature do it’s thing. Preparing with a douche, followed by a shower, is also standard protocol.
Start by inserting one finger into your partner. Stimulating your female partner’s clitoris or your male partner’s genitals simultaneously is a good way to alleviate stress and help the body relax. Drinks also help. If a male is being stimulated, the partner should start by massaging the prostate, otherwise known as the G-Spot or P-Spot. The prostate is a solid, walnut-sized gland located toward the belly button and near the bladder that produces prostatic fluid, an ingredient in semen. Stimulation to this area can result in its own prostate-induced orgasm. Gentlemen, ever had one of those? You’ll thank me.
CLEAR YOUR HEAD
There’s a strong chance first-timers will tense up, clenching their internal muscles, which then causes the sphincter to clench in return. This clenching creates an obvious barrier between you and whatever object wants inside. Communicating to your partner is a key component throughout anal sex. This isn’t a quickie. Ass play is going to be weird at first. Both partners need to be mentally prepared for the experience, to thrust slowly or to halt at any moment. By the way, there’s no harm in laughing here and there, too.
USE YOUR TONGUE
Anal stimulation isn’t limited to penetration. Anilingus, or teasing the anus with the tongue and mouth, is another sexual act surging in popularity. In 2008, a study of 1,400 straight American men found that anilingus was common among couples who’ve had anal sex. In fact, 24 percent of men had performed analingus on their partners and 15 percent received it. The same study found that almost one in four straight-identifying men had been anally stimulated by a partner’s finger. More recently, Esquire polled 500 men and found that more than 10 percent of men wished they were getting more anilingus.
Normalization is on the horizon, and breaking down the myths is the way to break through the stigma and deleted misinformation from public knowledge. We should all be open to practicing safe, consensual anal sex whenever the hell we want. Let’s worship the booty, people.
1 The dine and dash
While June has been deemed the most popular month to have meaningless sex, new research conducted by nsa-sexcontacts.com ranks June third in terms of ordinary sex.
With summer’s inaugural month coming to a mournful close, you may be happy to discover that July is the month most people have sex, according to 25 percent of the 2,000 person sample.
In fourth comes May, followed by December, February and December as the most popular months. This indicates fall is the season most experience a sexual drought, but let’s not go there. We’re currently in peak sex season, after all, and we should take full advantage of the opportunity.
A reason for our spike in sexual behavior, expert Tracey Cox argues, is that summer is a time many elect to travel. She believes vacations provide the opportunity to rekindle passion that might have been put on hold in a relationship. Her assertion is sound, as 64 percent of people note they “always” have sex on vacation and one in five couples say they make a special effort to spice things up while they are away.
“We’re permanently worked up by a combination of sensual triggers on vacation. People prance around in next to nothing during summer, providing a feast of flesh,” Cox says. She continues that with summer comes confidence as well as ample opportunities to get it on. “A tan makes even the body-conscious feel good about being naked. Spreading sunscreen on each other is drop-dead sexy – continuing to rub parts that don’t need it, even more so.”
Cox notes that the balmy temperatures might have an impact on our sexual proclivities as well. “Heat and humidity make us slow down: We’re too relaxed to move, too laid-back to lift a limb and happy to lie back and enjoy lazy, languid lovemaking.”
This could explain why a survey from Illicit Encounters found that 62 percent of people believe sex during the summer months is better than any other time of year. Not to mention, 38 percent of Lovehoney’s survey have more passion due to a vacation’s inherent laziness. Vacationers are also hornier because they have more time, according to 26% of those polled.
Perhaps more interesting than when people are having sex, is where they do it. When asked where respondents have sex on summer vacay, most in Lovehoney’s sample figured risked sandy cheeks and do the deed on a beach, as annotated by 57 percent of couples.
Following the beach was an unidentifiable descriptor they’ve labelled “beauty spot,” which I imagine is either a picturesque area or a literal beauty salon. This was followed by a field (31 percent), a park (28 percent), a pool (24 percent), “next to a lake or river” (22 percent), the sea (18 percent), in a plane bathroom (14 percent), a hotel or apartment balcony (13 percent) and rounding out the top 10 was the very public nightclub, with 12 percent.
“Taking sex outside turns tired, routine sex acts into ultra-charged erotic thrills. In the safety of your own home, your partner’s hand sliding up your leg feels mundane – done in semi-public it’s suddenly massively exciting,” Cox explains.
When seeking a spot for public sex, Cox recommends you opt for low-risk places and you fondle through clothing rather than remove it, as it’s easier to escape should you get caught. “Choose a position you can unwind from in a flash and consider sticking to foreplay and finishing at home,” she adds.
Something else to know: More than one-third of couples bring a sex toy on these vacations, six percent of which were caught while going through customs. So, you know, be careful.
The female orgasm just keeps getting better with age. This is based on new research from Natural Cycles, a fetility tracking app whose accuracy is so on pointe that European governement health officials certified it as a legitimate form of contraception in February. For its study on the female orgasm, Natural Cycles surveyed 2,618 women and divided them into three age groups: “young” (below 23 years), “middle” (23-36) and “older” (36 and up).
Of these groups, research concluded that older women (are we still okay with the word cougars? No? Okay.) not only experineced the most satisfying orgasms (58 percent) but also the most enjoyable sex (relatively speaking), with 86 percent reporting that they’d had toe-curling intercourse in the last four weeks. If that wasn’t enough, these women were also the most comfortable in their skin. So it’s safe to assume the common denominator between these self-evaluations is one’s own confidence.
“The results of the survey send out a really positive message about something us women have known and expected for some time,” said Amanda Bonnier of Natural Cycles. “As you get older and get to know your body better, you can have a more enjoyable sex life and feel confident about yourself.”
These numbers keep up with results of other surveys. A 2015 survey by sex-toy company Adam & Eve found that 45 percent of women experience their first orgasmbetween the ages of 18 and 24. That’s because the female orgasm is exceedingly more difficult than a man’s. In fact, Planned Parenthood says that as many as one in three women have trouble reaching orgasm while having intercourse. So cultivating one, either alone or with a partner, takes practice. For some, it can take years.
According to Women’s Day, which spoke with sex researcher Debby Herbenick, based on past research, only 61 percent of women in their thirties mentioned they had recently achieved an orgasm, compared to 70 percent of women in their forties and fifties. Again, this result underlines the fact that orgasms get better with experience due to the fact that women learn what they like. Women then grow more comfortable in themselves sexually.
On the other hand, this research ignores the concept of the sexual peak. “There’s at least one study I know of which found that women experience a small sexual peak in their thirties, meaning they tend to fantasize more about sex and have more frequent sex. “Although that study didn’t look specifically at orgasms, it seems logical that better or more frequent orgasms might accompany such a peak in sexual desire.”
Lehmiller explains that some scientists believe there’s an evolutionary reason women reach a sexual peak in their thirties, and that it’s nature’s way of encouraging women to capitalize on fertility before menopause.“Compared to younger women, women in their thirties are probably more comfortable talking about sex, too, which means they may be more likely to tell their partners what they want,” he adds.
Another contributing factor to better orgasms is the trust and intimacy that gets established with a long-term partner, who, over time, learns how to become a better lover more in tune with their partner, like where—and when—to hit all the right buttons. Sure, looks can fade, but the gift of experience just keeps on giving.
Finally, while less than a third of Natural Cycles’s participants had sex twice per week, the majority believe monogamy is key to a happier sex life, with more than 80 percent saying that it’s possible to have an amazing, long-lasting sex life with the same person, despite some evidence suggesting otherwise. So, score one for monogamy, too.
You probably hadn’t realised that May is a commemorative month — but there is a chance that you have already been celebrating without even knowing it…
Ok, so it is not a holiday observed by banks or post offices….well….at least not in any official capacity. You wont be getting a day off but, as this month is dedicated entirely to the celebration of self love, you have a legitimate reason to get off.
So whether you arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel or enjoy some time paddling the pink canoe – Hooray for May – it is International Masturbation Month!
So how does a taboo subject like this get a month all of its own? Well, it all started in 1995, in San Francisco, as a response to the forced resignation of U.S. Surgeon General, Joycelyn Elders. After a speech at the United Nations about AIDS in 1994, She was asked whether it would be appropriate to promote masturbation as a means of preventing young people from engaging in riskier forms of sexual activity, She answered, “I think it is something that is a part of human sexuality and a part of something that should perhaps be taught.” This caused great controversy.
It was the end of a career, but the beginning of National Masturbation Month. The founders of San Francisco-based sex education and toy shop, Good Vibrations, said, “Enough is enough!” They wanted to do two things: keep up the conversation about Elders’ unjust firing and make people talk more openly about their self-pleasuring ways.
So how can you do your part? Read on for some suggestions:
Get the Buzz
Many sex toy retailers hold sales during this time so you can stock out on more vibrators, dildos, male masturbators than you could possibly buy batteries for. Go crazy, and arm yourself with more weapons than you could hope to use in a marathon month of masturbation.
You Don’t Have to Be Single to Self-Mingle
If you’re currently in a relationship, chances are the both of you are doing at least a little self-loving on the side. And why wouldn’t you? Masturbation has a ‘load’ of benefits (pun intended), from stress reduction, to sleep aid, to higher overall sexual confidence. Solo sex sessions also enhance your coupled sex life, helping men improve their sexual stamina and women become more orgasmic.
Whilst there is nothing wrong with taking the ‘divide and conquer’ approach to masturbation, why not share the self-love with someone. Yes, I am talking about mutual masturbation.
It’s a Total Turn-On
Now come on people, you love to see people enjoy themselves sexually. Don’t believe me, just check out your browser history.
Now picture this: instead of watching a stranger on a cold, flat computer screen, you’re watching someone you know, in real life, giving themselves pleasure, close enough to touch – in fact touching is definitely encouraged!
One of the things that sets masturbation and sex apart is that masturbation is generally a very private act. The fact that your partner is giving you a front row seat to such an intimate experience – and vice versa – is extremely hot. It gives you a voyeuristic rush, like you are witnessing something that no other person gets to see.
Come One, Come All!
Whether or not you need an excuse to stick your hands down your pants, or you simply plan to use Masturbation Month as a reason to take more time off work and spend more quality time with your taco or tallywhacker, remember one thing: practice makes perfect. The more you play, the stronger your pelvic floor, ejaculation control and sexual confidence will become.
So why are still reading this? Tug, flick and jerk your way to better sexual health. Go on, treat yourself – it’s a holiday after all!
What do you think folks? Will you be celebrating or do you not need a reason to get down and dirty with your bad self? Share with us in the comments. 😉
CATEGORIES OF KRYPTONITE
Looking back on the men or women I’ve had this dynamic with, Kryptonite tends to fall into the same basic categories. As you mature, you’ll (hopefully) get better at recognizing and avoiding these types altogether, but let’s go over these personality types to start.
CRAZYTOWN, POPULATION: HIM OR HER
We all know what Crazytown looks like: endless drama. Raging fights. Screeching tires. Constant break-ups followed by passionate, borderline violent make-up sex. Crazytown is the pinnacle of toxic. It seeps into every aspect of your life and over time, the stress from relationships like this can actually alter your brain chemistry; you’ll become wired to crave the chemical rush you get from the madness. These relationships are destructive to you, your friends, your family, your kids. Get. Out. Get help if you need it—but get the fuck out. No good comes from this dynamic ever.
This person, male or female, is usually some degree of a narcissistic sociopath. They are number one, always. They’ll call you when you fit into their schedule or when they need validation. They have no intention of pursuing anything serious, but they’ll occasionally throw you a bone to maintain your affections. Their own inner emptiness is a black hole of love. Like energy vampires, they’ll suck the light out of you. You can recognize an asshole by the aftertaste of emptiness and rejection they leave behind. Rejection breeds obsession. It’s human nature to want what you can’t have, even if what you can’t have is poison. These relationships are insidious as they trigger all of our insecurities. This also makes them the hardest to exit from.
THE PERPETUALLY UNAVAILABLE
Kryptonite will often fall into more than one of these personality types simultaneously. For example, a lot of assholes are also emotionally unavailable, or better yet, married. Some variation of an artist-type—comics, musicians, models, actors, writers—are married to their work first and foremost. Stay far away from these fucking people. Whether your Kryptonite is emotionally unavailable or literally unavailable, they are love junkies, binging on it when it’s available and tossing you aside when they’ve had their fill. Share your love with someone who can reciprocate. Your love is too good to waste on a junkie.
NOW, LET’S RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS
YOU START LYING TO YOURSELF
“I won’t sleep with him/her,” you tell yourself. At first, I didn’t sleep with Kryptonite for an entire month until I cracked and of course, the sex was incredible. Not standard weed-high good; Class-A narcotic good. He quickly became my heroin of dick.
YOU OBSERVE A LACK OF SELF-CONTROL
“I’ll only sleep with him/her once a month.” Or the other lie, “I’ll sleep with other people.” Bringing in second-string lovers almost always backfires. It’s like saying, “I’ll stop drinking whiskey but still drink wine.” Every time you have that wine…you’re going to wish it were whiskey.
YOU THINK ONCE WILL BE ENOUGH
Kryptonite and I started sleeping together once a week and the sex only got better and better. I’d climax and then continue riding the waves of orgasms; it was like being on pure ecstasy. But every orgasm I had drew me deeper down the rabbit hole—and deeper into my addiction.
YOU START PONDERING THE L WORD AGAINST ALL REASON
He would spend the night and I’ve never slept better. My dog loved him and he loved her. I would look him in the eye when I was on top of him, and what’s that? Is that heartburn or are those…feelings? Oh great, here comes intimacy, ruining everything as usual.
YOU JUST CAN’T QUIT IT
“I can’t do this anymore,” I said a year ago. And I proceeded to cave every time he texted. I’d put up a good fight, but eventually, I’d crack. My sex drive is higher than my standards, what can I say?
So what do you do? Like anything you have to quit, the first step is admitting you have a problem. Now that you’ve done that…
GO COLD TURKEY
Honestly, I’ve tried easier, softer methods of dealing with the Kryptonite in my life, but I’ve found the only viable, long-term solution is 100 percent pure abstinence. It takes serious will power but for your own self-esteem, you have to rip off the Band-Aid and walk away. There is no “Let’s be friends” or “Let’s keep in touch”. There is only kicking that human the hard way. You’re going to have withdrawals. It’s going to be painful. You might even be in the fetal position in agony, missing their smell, their taste, the way they sound when they orgasm. You must resist. #Resist.
GET A “SPONSOR”
In 12-step programs, when the addict wants to drink, use, eat or gamble, they have a person they call before they make that choice. It’s our first thought in these situations that we can’t trust. Our second thought is usually better, if we can give ourselves the space to even get there. I have women who get my sexy selfies instead of the men I really want to send them to; I have friends, gay and straight, who call or text me when they want to reach out to their Krytonite. You are going to need support defeating Kryptonite. Get it in place for those lonely nights.
ERECT A WALL OF SILENCE
Label this person Kryptonite in your phone. Or better yet, DO NOT CALL. Block their number. Block them on social media if need be. Whatever it takes to build a cone of silence for you to successfully break the spell. It doesn’t have to be forever and I recommend when possible to lovingly block them. Be forthright about your feelings and intention to block them for your own well-being. Usually your Kryptonite is aware they aren’t good for you, and they’re wrestling with the same challenge of self-restraint, but a drug is never going to tell you to quit it. That’s up to you, and don’t kid yourself, you will have to summon some of the deepest resources of resolve you can imagine.
GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO GET OVER IT
Go easy on yourself. Even if you can’t necessarily stop yourself from falling into the same traps over and over, some of the most toxic and heartbreaking relationships I’ve had with a Kryptonite have ultimately been the most empowering, motivating and revealing—if I’m able to just stand back and receive the lesson. And by the way, we’ve all been The Asshole, The Unavailable and Crazytown before, so go easy on them too.
If you only take one thing from this column, remember this: No matter the reason Kryptonite can’t be with you is, it’s not about them—it’s about you. Kryptonite almost always reveals a broken part of you that doesn’t love yourself enough. Kryptonite doesn’t just represent your primal desire for sex; they shine light on your deepest wounds that need healing. The only way to deal with Kryptonite is to lovingly, and firmly, leave them. Thank them for the lesson and get out.
Not all sex is created equal. There are those nights of sweet relief after six minutes of rolling around before returning to your Amazon Prime, and that’s fine. We won’t disparage what may seem like routine lovemaking, because at least you’re still doing it. Sometimes a basic quickie is the perfect thing – like in the morning, when her hair’s a mess and your breath is stank, but you just go at it doggie style before work or the farmer’s market. And that’s nice, too.
But then there are those other times …
The times when the sex is so good, you can’t believe it. You feel certain you must be some sort of sex god. You know, those times when you’re feeling yourself, you’re laying it down like a champion, and she’s moaning sounds that come from deep within her body, and it’s the oh-my-god-yes sex, “I’ll have what she’s having” mind-blowing session that we all dream about.
But those times can be rare. So rare, in fact, they feel like some sort of natural phenomenon that comes on like an eclipse or a thunderstorm. If only there were ways you, the sex god, could make these epic encounters happen whenever you and your partner are ready to throw down.
Well, you are in luck. We have five amazing ways to help you have better sex. Try these tips a la carte, introducing them one at a time – or get into all of them ASAP. It’s up to you, and it’s all in the name of sexual self-improvement.
Yeah dude, we know you rub one out on the regular, but like a Zen guru or Jedi Master, you must practice your craft with intention. Think of masturbation as a practice round and not just a means to an end when you’re in the shower. By initiating a more exploratory experience of self-love, you can start to learn not just what makes you climax, but also focus on ways to slow yourself down. In addition, this slower, more sensual style will help you get in touch with your own body, which is beyond sexy. Elevate these “training” sessions even more by adding in male sex toys into the mix. Enjoy yourself and your body, practice what speeds you up and slows you down, and lastly, masturbate simply to prolong your lovemaking with your partner. Oh, and duh – jerking off is fun!
Different positions will feel better for different individuals, but an overwhelming majority of men will admit that they like to get deep inside their partner. The thing is though- that’s not always what’s most comfortable for a woman. So how do you turn this conundrum into an opportunity for your best bone session ever? By finding out exactly how to go in deeper, harder, and longer, while making sure it feels amazing for your partner. To do this, you’re going to need some lube. So many factors determine what a woman’s natural lubrication level may be, but it’s not just arousal. A woman can be totally turned on and still reap the benefits of using lube, especially when the loving is long-lasting.
Foreplay All Day
There is nothing sexier than a lover who makes their partner feel desired and appreciated. And as they say, “like attracts like.” So if you start showing your beloved how much they turn you on, then you can expect they will find ways to do the same. Amp up your flirty banter by gently teasing your partner, send a dirty text in the middle of the day letting them know exactly where on their body you want to lick and suck. Send a GIF showing what you’d like her to do with you. Play grab ass at the movies; bring home a little present; french kiss on the stairwell; the list goes on and on. Foreplay doesn’t need to be regulated to an obligatory 10 minutes of over the jeans groping and a bit of oral, it can literally become an undercurrent of sexual tension in your daily life that will continue to make your sex life better and better for years to come.
Get that P Spot
Yes, it’s time to talk about your prostate, and it’s going to be awesome! Here’s the thing: we know there’s still a stigma around men and butt play, but this is changing rapidly, and the reason for that is that prostate stimulation provides more than just a hearty dose of pleasure. When you get a little loving on the prostate, you can receive tremendous health benefits – such as a reduced risk of prostate cancer. Not only that, but while a prostate stimulator is inserted, many men experience harder erections, more intense orgasms, and increased stamina.
When trying any new toy, it can be a good idea to try it alone first. However, the rules for P-play are the same for solo use or with a partner. Use a lubricated finger (seriously, use lube) to start things off, circling the anus and then pressing gently against the sphincter (like ringing a door bell). The key is to go slowly and notice your body’s response. When you’re ready, slide the toy in, and continue on with your favorite sexual activities until climax.
Try Cross Fit
Really, it can be any favorite exercise, but it’s crucial to get out there and enjoy your body and your life. Building strength and stamina will segue to the workouts you get in the bedroom, but most importantly, the confidence you build by taking care of yourself will translate to everything and everyone you do! Most women love their men whether they have six-pack abs or not, but everyone is drawn to someone who feels happy with their own physicality. The same principle applies to eating well and personal grooming. Remember, you are the sex god, and it’s important you value yourself and your body just as you love your partner. So take a vigorous class or a walk around the block, let your mind wander to your favorite sexual fantasies and see yourself sharing them with your lover. Then drink some electrolyte water, power down some protein, and get your bad-ass sexy self ready to have better sex tonight!
When getting sexy, we’re all about taking the seduction and anticipation up a few notches, and talking dirty can be a route to whole new level of excitement.
It’s an area of sex that makes a lot of people feel silly because they’re unsure of how to go about it without feeling ridiculous.
“Talk dirty to me baby…” can get some folks freezing like a soaking wet roll of toilet paper being thrown out of an igloo in Antartica. For others, it it is like the sound of a starting pistol. “Go baby, Go!”
Dirty talk can get both of you hotter than ever, but it can also lead to confusion, missed signals, and awkwardness— meaning we have to tread carefully. When it comes to horny jibber jabber, you’re really addressing one thing: how much can you get away with?
What should you say? What do they want you to say? What if you say too much? What if you say too little? Most people err on the side of caution, possibly leading to boring, platonic, sanitised conversations destined never to lead to an elevated heart rate — let alone an orgasm. On the other hand, some people are so brazen, they turn off the majority of people they’re trying to turn on. The secret is to push the boundaries of what you can get away with without crossing them…well…by too much anyway, hehehe!
The foundation for horny and fun dirty talk is the same as other components of a healthy sex —good communication with your partner and being up front about what you like.
Now go for Gold with these five tips.
Talking about Dirty Sanchezing her bearded clam, or using red flag words is a bit of a no-no. Word choice matters. Don’t be unnecessarily clinical or explicit; nothing is going to make a girl drier (or a guy softer) than talking about volumetric blood flow to the genital region. Do be descriptive. Details make stories come to life, and essentially, mucky chatter is all about details
On Your Marks
Learn some new horny words —erotic fiction is a pretty good place to find new words to add to sexy times; porn videos tend to be a bit short on good or realistic dialogue.
Like with anything, when and how you do it matters. Do be humorous, but strike a balance. If you’re too serious, it’s creepy. If you’re too funny, you’re a clown. Don’t incorporate dirty talk too early—such as someone who hasn’t given you signs that he or she is open to it. Subtlety, word play and cleverness go a long way. But don’t force it. You should talk dirty because you’re in the mood and feeling it—not because someone told you to do it. There has to be some passion behind it. Read the signs, be aware of the other person’s response to your dirty talk. If the person you’re with gives you a red light, respect it.
Go, Go, Go!
Talk about how she tastes, how she’s the perfect dirty girl—be specific. Don’t freak out if your partner tries dirty talk without the pre-conversation and you don’t like it—just talk about it, regroup and get it on.
Across the Finish Line
If you are in the heat of passion and land upon a phrase that turns them on, simply repeating it can give it a great sexual intensity. Even something as simple as “Don’t stop! Don’t stop! Don’t stop!” can make your lover go the extra mile.
Now get those tongues wagging people…in other ways too! 😉
Do you enjoy dirty talk? What is your favourite wankworthy whisper? Share with us in the comments.